13 >> "I'm interested in going into vocational Christian work, but my parents don't want me to."

When the Bible clearly teaches that we are to both honor and obey our parents, it's hard to justify going against their wishes. Both the fifth commandment (Exodus 20:12) and Ephesians 6:1-3, as well as other passages, admonish children to revere and obey their fathers and mothers.

Your parents' opinions are important. Your mother and father love you and are probably as concerned with your future as you are. So, how do you weigh your parents' wishes when you're evaluating many factors in trying to discern God's leading for your future? Are their wishes the predominant criteria or merely one voice in the crowd?

Neither. Your parents' wishes should be considered as a very significant piece of information, but not the determinative factor.

There was a period of time in your life when you were totally under your parents' authority. However, the Scriptures indicate that with the onset of adulthood, your accountability shifts from your parents to your own independent responsibility to God.

We are always to be committed to honoring our parents, but there comes a time when we are personally accountable before God. The Bible seems to indicate that a person was considered fully independent around the age of 20. For example, God required men 20 years old and upward to fight in the Israelite army (Numbers 1), and He expected them to pay the temple tax at the age of 20 (Exodus 38:21-26).

When Israel was ready to enter the promised land, God considered each person above 20 years accountable for his own decision to cross the Jordan or remain behind. Were this not the case, those over 20 that responded to their parents' wishes to stay would have been spared God's judgment. They were not. God held them accountable, and all those of majority age (20 years) died and did not see the land of Canaan (Numbers 32:11).

The New Testament also addresses the issue of the age of adulthood or the time of breaking with parental authority, though a specific age is not given. As in Genesis 2:24, Jesus (Matthew 19:5, Mark 10:7) clearly states that a married couple should depart from their family homes (which were the places of government and parental authority) and begin their own home. Jewish men usually married by their 19th year and were held responsible before the Lord.

Jesus challenged young men (probably near the age of 20) to leave their parents and follow Him. The Bible records in mark 1:20 that, "…they left their father Zebedee in the boat with the hired servants, and went away to follow Him" (see also Matthew 4:22).

Though they had probably discussed Jesus' ministry as a family, there is no biblical record that they even consulted their parents about their vocational choice when the directive came from the Lord.

We see that the sweep of Scripture points to the necessity to honor our parents, and it recognizes that at a certain age, roughly around age 20, a person must assume responsibility for his own life decisions.

It is both biblically and psychologically sound that you should develop greater autonomy throughout your college years, while still maintaining an attitude of honor and respect for your parents, supplemented by regular communication and seeking of counsel.

When an individual is on the threshold of adulthood (about 20 years), that person alone is responsible for the decisions he makes. The final say must belong to the individual, and this may unfortunately be contrary to parental wishes. What Jesus communicates (Luke 12:51, Luke 9:59-62, Mark 3:31-35) is that the call of God is much more important than the call of the family. We must always respect and honor our parents, but our responsibility to obey subsides when we become independent adults.

 

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